The pinch indeed. I'm feeling the pinch, only no matter how hard I pinch, I'm not waking up.

It was only June last year when I was laid off. Now I have a better job, with better colleagues, with a better salary. Was it luck, or was it nothing short of a miracle that I wound up with what fate hath brought me?

I will say it again, I really think that me knowing the .NET development platform saved my current job. Mostly every night I'm reading my coding books [Visual Basic/C#] and learning website development in ASP.NET, trying to get better and better so I can perform better with other projects. In times like this, its like I have to play catch-up and get up to speed as FAST as possible.

I'm also looking at trying to get back into the certification 'game' and get some more. However courses are hard to come by, as no one is enrolling in any. I called up an agency in Hartford, CT that hosts the ITIL v3 certification and they say only 2 people have enrolled. In order for the class to be hosted, a minimum of 5 people need to enroll. Then ask the agency how much the course costs. They say without pausing: $1900.

Gee... I wonder why courses are hard to come by.

As a result, my arts have taken a back seat as I haven't been painting a whole lot lately. The 'free-market' economy is worse than bad. I'm really focusing on developing and the like. I cannot afford to lose this new job, as no one is hiring right now.

I've been paying close attention to how the 'free market' has been performing, and with all these companies laying off workers, banks merging or failing, bailout money being used to fund vacations...

Well, I just got the news the other day that my stepmom was laid off...

...you start to just think and ask questions on what kind of disaster our free market has degraded into.

I remember what it was like when I was laid off. I felt miserable. I felt like I was incompetent, like I didn't do a good job, like it was my fault. Well it turns out, I'm a great worker, I DID do a good job, and the company failed ME.

Now I can see that my stepmom's company failed her, as well as every other company has failed the people. What was the January 2009 unemployment statistic? 580,000 positions lost? What in the world is going on? Why is this happening?

You know, I can't help but feel I've been insanely lucky these past years. And it makes me nervous. I get out of college and get rid of the school loan as fast as possible. I move out of my folks place and get my own place up north. I get a brand new car with a great car loan that's manageable. What's it like now? Me getting the same car loan I got last February would now be a fantasy, as would be getting the loan at all. Me getting laid off when I did, happened before the 'free-market' collapsed, and I by some incredible miracle... got the job I did.

It's a weird and sickening feeling. I'm doing alright, but A LOT of people aren't, including my immediate family, friends, and people I see everyday. And, our current system supports this ideology of individualistic pursuit, whilst leaving everyone else behind in the gutter. This just bothers me to no end, as there will be no real community, no one will trust each other, as people will be forced to take part in this flawed rat-race, to compete and oust each other to try and climb the ladder to the top of the economical food chain, as it is a form of survival. The more I read and think about it, the more I feel like I'm uncovering a world of mistrust, greed, and corrupt evil in its purest form.

...maybe this is what I should focus my artwork on?